A Face I Love

credits to jeffandjer.com

"A face I love is missing, a vision I love remains.

It's for me to treasure forever, for someone very dear that I've lost."

Losing a parent is a profound experience.

Writing this post is especially difficult.

My father exhaled his last laboured breath, on a warm Monday afternoon 9 years ago. I remembered having given him a soft goodbye kiss on his forehead and adjusted the side of his lips into a more relaxed expression, before I padded into the waiting room to tell my Mom and siblings.

In Dad, we had lost a Precious Family Holy Book, one laden with individual inscriptions and notes, one encased in faded binding, one blessed with timeless vibrancy.

I wish I could write that our last words were Deep Thoughts for The Ages.

I love you,
and I miss you terribly.

If you hear me, how is the other side? The term, the afterlife, rolls around in my spiritual bowl like mystical crystals waiting for a spell from a dakini.  I just want to know if you are alright. Will you let me know? Will you send me an obvious sign?

Gee, son. If I can, I will.

Of course, this childlike question asked at a time when I felt like an abandoned pup, appeared whenever thoughts of Dad crept into my mind.

Today was no exception.

I started my Sunday morning long before the sun rose with recitation of mantras dedicated to Dad followed by offerings of his favourites at the ancestral altar, thereafter spending the rest of the morning recollecting the precious times I had spent with him. In reminiscence, he was at his happiest during the yearly Christmas celebrations at cousin Anne's place. Food was a thing he loved most, sometimes more than us children, I would tease him. But I knew in my heart that the gathering was most important a time for him to rebond with his siblings; the Tham family to congregate and share a day of love, fun and laughter amongst loved-ones, though religious faiths differed and were aplenty.

But now, somehow, eversince his absence and also of my eldest Aunt, the feeling of total joy at the Christmas dinners were at times overshadowed by sad thoughts of the ones that had gone, and the aging-ones that are soon to follow.

I told myself that for Christmas this year, I would take time to retreat for a while amidst all the carolling to the silent corner of my cousin's music room, to offer a prayer for their timeless vibrancy to continue to be with us.

My attention, and also that of my siblings, are now focused onto Mom, probably making sure she gets her fill of the favourite turkey slices with cranberry sauce. I'm glad I still have her around, as with all the other remaining elders. "To Cherish" would be the theme.

Today, a sunny-bright morning, as I did my usual jog around the neighbourhood, thoughts of Dad fully- occupied my mind. In an infantile hope that Dad would reveal his presence as part of Perfect Natural Unity, my thoughts yelled out, " DAD, DAD, DAD ~~Are you there DAD?"

Out of the silence, I thought I heard a strong voice answer. "Yes, I'm here and will always be with you".

Dad, is that really you?

But as my eyes focused on the surroundings, I saw a lone figure barely visible across the barren field.

A dog barked, the figure slowly faded away. The scene normalized.

Timeless vibrancy.




~ a re-post. Thank you Juanita for your thoughtfulnessand for allowing me to share this with my dear readers once again.God Bless.

"Walk on a trail of loving kindness

Walk on a path of compassion

And all else around you will be beautiful."

Every Blessing