The Cherry Tree : The Malaysian Version

Remember the story of young George Washington and the cherry tree? Well, we have a Malaysian version of that story. This piece of Malaysian humour was shared by none other than the hero of Malaysian political conciousness, dear RPK . Potshots were unforgiving, directed at all politicians, irrespective of their political affiliations. Thanks to whoever wrote this and my apologies to my foreign readers who may not be able to understand some of the humour. I have however, tried to add some particulars to shed light on the characters highlighted.

Legend has it that George Washington, America's first president, chopped down a cherry tree in his youth. The story goes that George gave the tree a good swing and chopped it down with an axe.
His father saw the damaged tree and asked his son if he knew who did the deed. George was quoted as bravely admitting the truth:

'I can't tell a lie. Pa, you know I can't tell a lie. I did cut it with my axe.'

Below is a satire of how some Malaysian politicians circa 2008 may have reacted to the question:

Abdullah Ahmad Badawi (Prime Minister)
- 'I did not cut down the tree, I was just taking a nap underneath it.'

Najib Razak (Deputy Prime Minister)
- 'I swear that I have never MET that tree.'

Hishamuddin Hussein Onn (Umno Youth Chief)
- '...but I only own a keris, not axe, how to cut down the tree?'

Dr Mahathir Mohamad (former PM)
- 'Apa nama cherry tree, yes, I chopped it down because I don't like the idea of Pak Lah sleeping under it.'

Chua Soi Lek (current Deputy President of Malaysian Chinese Asso. MCA, embroiled in a sex scandal last year)
- 'Yes it was me, I resign as caretaker of this orchard.'

VK Lingam (prominent lawyer accused of brokering judicial-political appointments)
- 'It could be me, it might have been me, but I don't think it's me.'

Anwar Ibrahim (disgraced former Deputy PM and current leader of the opposition)
- 'I did NOT do it, and I am not giving any DNA sample for you to plant on the axe handle.'

Mohd Khir Toyo (former state Chief Minister of Selangor, currently accused of misappropriating state coffers)
- 'The new state government should just trim the grass and not waste time asking who cut the tree.'

Ahmad Said (current Chief Minister of Trengganu, controversially known for purchasing a fleet of Mercs for official use)
- 'I chopped it because cherry trees are more expensive to maintain than durian trees.'

Azalina Othman (current Tourism Minister)
- 'The cherry tree is not included under my tourism MOU so I cut it down and besides there were unauthorised signboards put up around the tree.'

Shabery Cheek (current Minister of Mis-Information, known for his "foaming mouth" debate with Anwar)
- 'I challenge you to a debate on tree cutting.'

S Samy Velu (disgraced ex-Minister and current President of Malaysian Indian Congress)
- 'I chopped it because Hindraf members were using it as a meeting point.'

Wira Ali Rustam ( current Chief Minister of Melaka, remembered for his racial potshot at lesser component parties in the ruling coalition)
- 'We have planted durian trees for 50 years and we will plant them for another 50 years. We do not need cheery trees, apple trees, pear trees and all these other foreign trees.'

Rais Yatim (current Minister of Foreign Affairs)
- 'You must see the bigger picture. Ahmad said cherry trees are expensive to maintain. Ali Rustam said they are against our national identity. And I needed to test my new axe. So, you see, it is a WIN-WIN situation all around.'

Sharir Samad (current Minister of Domestic Trade Affairs)
- 'I cut the tree because we could no longer afford to subsidise it.'

Karpal Singh (Chairman of Democratic Action Party - opposition)
- 'The bigfoot creature did it.'

Bung Mokhtar (Parliamentarian loudmouth)
- 'The big monkey did it.'

Pandikar Amin Mulia (Parliamentary Speaker)
- 'There is nothing in the standing orders against chopping cherry trees......Kinabatangan duduk! Bukit Gelugor duduk!'

Khairy Jamaluddin (son-in-law to the PM, current UMNO Deputy Youth Chief & Oxford graduate)
- I did not do it, neither did the Mat Rempits. By the way, what's a cherry tree?'

Lim Kit Siang (Advisor to the Democratic Action Party)
- 'Cherry tree also you don't know. You are an insult to Oxford!'

Nazri Abdul Aziz (current defacto Law Minister)
- 'Racist, racist, racist! When we cut down durian trees nobody made a fuss. Now...'

Malaysian Citizens (the oppressed)
- 'Oh for heavens sake! Somebody plant something before we all starve to death!'

Too close to the truth for comfort?