one of my fav foods ~ smoked salmon waldorf saladThis week's quest to quell the emo outbreak via doses of humour posts continues! After reading this article shared by an obviously humorous blogger on these Qs & mind-boggling As, I filled up on my daily intake of greens via a succulent steak! SK & Leu, I'm sure this article brings great relief to you guys; as it has to me :P LOLZ
Enjoy!
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Don't waste it on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer. That's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn! And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Anyway, 1% of traffic accidents are caused by drunk drivers. So people who don't drink are very dangerous because they cause 99% of traffic accidents.
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain ... Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO … Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand, chocolate in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, 'WOO HOO, what a Ride!'
AND.....
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION
1. Eat and drink what you like.
2. Speaking American English is apparently what kills you.
3. 'Today' is a gift. That is why it is called 'The Present'.
1. Eat and drink what you like.
2. Speaking American English is apparently what kills you.
3. 'Today' is a gift. That is why it is called 'The Present'.
Do you agree? LOL
26 comments:
sampat!
I'm feeling so in SHAPE now, since round is also a shape. And thanks god I can't swim. Haha, have a good weekend.
what stupid answer?!?!??!!?!??!? *faints*
i agree with all, except this :P Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain ... Good!--- they only said no pain NO GAIN wor :P
now u r encouraging me to materialise my next week jogoya plan tqsm lolll...
speechless!!!! but I couldnt agree more with one of the conclusions "eat what you want".
sucks to be an American. :P
Woohoo...thanks mate, u just make me feel much much better now..let's eat, drink and parttay tonight....
Tomorrow is a mystery, so let's get ready!
Ignorance is bliss!
yeah, live life to the max, eat and indulge!
wuah such clever answers :)
When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
>> This one I agree, and it's a fact that doing sit-up strengthens abdominal muscle but not shredding the tummy.. Haha~~
If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
>> And don't forget HIPPOs also!! :D
Paul ~ it did make you feel better, right? :P
KeenYee ~ LOLZ Have a good weekend too. :)
Medie ~ stupid, but seem logical too, right? :P
Happy ~ Jogoya? *salivates*
Nothamsap ~ whilst i sos agree, I still try to eat in moderation. :)
Evann ~ American's hv been dishing out dirt at everyone too, so i think it is okay if the jokes's on them sometimes too. :)
+Ant+
Daniel ~ wow, you've Friday, Sat and Sun to partay! :P
Yamuna ~ It's good to live in the Now! :)
William ~ ignorance is more destructive than bliss :P
Common ~ come to KL. Granny Twilight and I will let you indulge kau kau! :P
Beng ~ i wonder too. :P lolz
SK ~ dying to see that muscular tummy of yours! lolz :)
+Ant+
OMG! I hope no one read this and take it seriously! It's great to eat what you like, drink and be merry. But unless you have really, really good genes, you are just going to be nearer to death's door.
I rather eat moderately, drink moderately and be merry! Walk the middle path, haven't you heard?
All the answers do not make sense at all.
Q1 - Exercise strengthens the heart unless you go for long marathons - that will weaken your heart. The stronger heart will override the wear and tear.
You can't compare to the car cos a car does not have heart and muscle. The more you use the car, the more wear and tear. But I agree with taking a nap - it does help you to live longer : )
Q2 - Eating vegetables and getting the vegetables from a vegetable-eating animal is totally different. Animal meat contains all the saturated fat and growth hormones in them. But that does not mean we don't eat meat, just eat moderately with vegetables as the main dish and meat as the side dish.
Q3 - No doubt wine is made from grapes. Fruit is only good in its original form. Once you make something or extract something out of fruits, it will be of no use. That's why Vitamin C taken out from the orange is bad. You need to eat the whole orange. Having said that, drinking wine and beer moderately is OK. Just remember drinking too much will lead to liver cancer, one of the deadliest cancers.
Q4 - No comment on this because it sounds too ridiculous to even worth commenting!
Q5 - How can exercise be a pain? Exercise is fun, fun, fun!! Not exercising, and getting sick - now that's pain!
Q6 - When foods are fried in vegetable oil, you get loads of trans fat that is more lethal than if you don't use vegetable oil. Saturated fat raises your bad LDL cholesterol, but trans fat not only raises your LDL but also lowers your good HDL cholesterol. Fastest way to the death door is eat lots of trans fat.
Q7 - I agree sit-ups is just a waste of time. Want to get rid of that flabby tummy? Do interval training aerobic exercises. And eat low GI (glycemic index) food. Then just do sit ups to tone the abs muscle. Without getting rid of the fat on your tummy, no amount of sit ups will give you the washboard abs you dream of!
Q8 - Chocolate is neither good nor bad. It's the amount of sugar in the chocolate that is bad! The sugar cancels out any benefits of antioxidants found in chocolates! Eating dark chocolates are better for you.
Q9 - Swimming is good aerobic exercise and therefore helps in losing weight. Whales are not humans and how do you know if a whale has good figure or not?
Q10 - Round is a good shape only for your head and wherever you think is approppriate : )
Wow~~! change your blogging style? haha, that's good ... life is short and should be happy like this! thanks for the jokes. have a good sunday
foongpc:
why so serious? ... haha ...I am going to be a marathon runner, so my heart will be torn off? muahahaha.... take it easy man, readers not so stupid to believe the answer gua?
Foong ~ relax relax!.... the post wuz all meant as a joke for peeps who are self-denial and looking for lame excuses LOLZ Thanks so much for the long explanations. :)
Michi ~ yup, slight changes to managing life. Kinda stressed, so lil' funnies like these jokes helps to keep life sane. :)
Intend to join you for future marathons, and hv started to train hard once more :) NO pain...no gain, right Foong? *winks* LOLZ
that's why i always have red wine at home..i love to have a little before dinner..hehehe
Eden ~ ahhhh, red wine. I betcha ya have it not only b4, but during and afetr dinner too, right? hehe :)
+Ant+
Haha! I guess I just got carried away! I knew this is juz a joke, but I could not help myself! : )
Talking about marathons, if you look at history, a lot of people who run marathons die of heart attacks.
When you run marathons, you will increase your endurance but the forced, continuous, endurance exercise induces your heart
and lungs to “downsize” because a smaller heart allows you to go
further, more efficiently with less rest, and less fuel.
Instead of building heart strength, marathon running or endurance exercises robs it of vital reserve capacity. Your heart’s reserve capacity is that portion of its maximal output that you don't use during your usual activity.
So if you downsize your heart and lungs you have traded reserve capacity for efficiency at continuous duration. This then forces them to operate dangerously close to their
maximal output when circumstances challenge them. For your heart, this is a problem you don’t need.
Heart attacks don’t occur because of a lack of endurance. They occur when there is a sudden increase in cardiac demand that exceeds your heart’s capacity.
Giving up your heart’s reserve capacity to adapt to unnatural bouts of continuous prolonged duration only increases your risk
of sudden cardiac death.
A ground-breaking study of long-distance runners showed
that after a workout, the blood levels and oxidation of
LDL (bad) cholesterol and triglycerides increased. They
also found that prolonged running disrupted the balance of blood thinners and thickeners, elevating inflammatory factors and clotting levels – both signs of heart distress. Marathon runners also suffer from loss of bone mass. For women, the risk of osteoporosis increases.
The above is taken from the book "PACE" by Dr Al Sears, M.D, author of "The Doctor's Heart Cure".
Gosh! I'm doing it again, am I not? : )
Foong!!! ahahahahhahaah!!! YOU r the MAN!!!!
Foong ~ OMGawd! I feel so honoured to have you write such good comments in my blog. Thank you so much! ^_^
+Ant+
You are welcome! I guess I just like to talk on health issues although most people will run away when I talk about it. Haha!
Thanks for letting me the chance to fulfill my inner urges (ie. talking about health issues in case you think of something else!) on your blog : )
Foong ~ it sld be me who must say thanks. Please spam on! I love intelligent spams. :)
Still can't understand tho' why some of your readers love to put 3-4 continuous comments?
+Ant+
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