Hi,
Happy Birthday. I miss you. I think about everything we don't share anymore and I feel crazy wuzzy. Or neutral. I am remiss. It is easy to back and forth all day with nothing to show for it at night. It was certainly like that yesterday. All the reminiscing of our Sundays at the cafe, but I'm not blaming you. I wanted to tell you that our distance made me homesick. Always was an escape artist, I still am. Since I'm here whilst you are the one who is away to Dublin.
I meant to do these things more to keep my thoughts occupied: meditate,travel, meditate, write, meditate, read, meditate, stuffin' my narrow esophagus with Swedish meatballs like how a turkey gets at Christmas. I did the last one again yesterday, minus the choking (thank-you guys). I go through cycles where I forget to play, to be a kid, to self-fornicate; skip to my own mojo. I don't know what a mojo is, but I think I need one. Lil' Junior sat to my right and sang me a doggie-song last night after my visit to town. I loved him more in that twenty seconds than I've loved myself all my freakin' livin' years.
Thing is, I don't remember which arc of the circle I'm on, I just continue, round and round. I fear the judgement often gets to me and gets me to stop what I want. Even where I felt most free. I now feel like wasting time, like losing fights, but not hopeless. After all that looking over my shoulder and freaking out I'm just calm or numb, something uninspiring. Like the quiet after a heavy downpour: fresh and battered. Wet and a tad salty. Immobile. This isn't justification, though. Just a thing to go through. Like everything.
I must wrap up for now. It's a new week. I must tend to more mundanity.
Happy Birthday. I miss you. I think about everything we don't share anymore and I feel crazy wuzzy. Or neutral. I am remiss. It is easy to back and forth all day with nothing to show for it at night. It was certainly like that yesterday. All the reminiscing of our Sundays at the cafe, but I'm not blaming you. I wanted to tell you that our distance made me homesick. Always was an escape artist, I still am. Since I'm here whilst you are the one who is away to Dublin.
I meant to do these things more to keep my thoughts occupied: meditate,travel, meditate, write, meditate, read, meditate, stuffin' my narrow esophagus with Swedish meatballs like how a turkey gets at Christmas. I did the last one again yesterday, minus the choking (thank-you guys). I go through cycles where I forget to play, to be a kid, to self-fornicate; skip to my own mojo. I don't know what a mojo is, but I think I need one. Lil' Junior sat to my right and sang me a doggie-song last night after my visit to town. I loved him more in that twenty seconds than I've loved myself all my freakin' livin' years.
Thing is, I don't remember which arc of the circle I'm on, I just continue, round and round. I fear the judgement often gets to me and gets me to stop what I want. Even where I felt most free. I now feel like wasting time, like losing fights, but not hopeless. After all that looking over my shoulder and freaking out I'm just calm or numb, something uninspiring. Like the quiet after a heavy downpour: fresh and battered. Wet and a tad salty. Immobile. This isn't justification, though. Just a thing to go through. Like everything.
I must wrap up for now. It's a new week. I must tend to more mundanity.
Please don't worry about me.
Though I 've a feeling you've done much less of it now.
"Walk on a trail of loving kindness
Walk on a path of compassion
And all else around you will be beautiful."
XOXO
17 comments:
celebrating life huh?
Hmmm ant...
I've been reading and re-reading this post, I still don't quite get it.
But please be blessed and have many a great days ahead.
Medie ~ you know me la. :P
Common ~ juz my weird mind. Pls pay no attention to my weird way of ranting. :P lolz
haha, I so perasan, thought that you are wishing me "happy birthday"... heheheh...just kidding! Anyway, diverge your focus, like don't think of his birthday, but others who have the same birthday like him, then you will be able to occupy your mind and dilute your sorrow.
Have a nice weekend!
Thank God for the blessings that you have after all!
celebrating life? interesting.. what does Medie mean? :)
I just noticed that your title is so similar like my latest post... New week, new start, time to head back to shithole and back again for Merdeka ...
Peace be with you!
Hello! What is Emo King rambling about? Ken probably read twice but Grandma read 10 times!!! You were talking to the Red flower izzit? Muahahahaha! From white flower to red and what's next? Of course, the clue was Dublin and no wonder your passport stamped "United Kingdom" yearly. As I have blogged that life brings unexpected falling shit sometimes,so we need to carry umbrella always!
By the way this post has exploded itself inside the blog-can from toxic gas and fermented typo! Quick call the BOMBA to wipe out. LOL
Grandma has cross stitched 80 yarns of wool to make a scarf to reach Siberia and your blog has not moved an inch!!! Shrieks! Why so slow aaaarrr?
Hey I think you need a technician to fix your blog cos it's still not showing that it got updated. Now I blame that since you kena Maple-Flu from that Canadian asshole and your blog has never been the same again. Even the Plastic Egoiste in Penang didn't even know you have manifested into a white flower deity!! Muahahahaha!
When are you going to remove the stupid Blog Approval censor?? It is not a shy thing like removing a sarong laaahhh! Quick quick buka lah!
Okay enough spamming, gotta pack my luggage now and head to airport. Update today ok! Sawadee Kap!
Michi ~ Happy Belated Birthday! and thank you for your kind advise. I'm alright, really. Just a lil' ramble that I decided to pen down since it wuz in my thoughts. :)
Savante ~ I' do know I'm blessed. :) Thanks ya.
Beng ~ I'm wondering the same. I'll ask Medie. :)
Jerry ~ hope all goes wel for you at shithole then :P :)
William ~ and also with you! :)
Twilight ~ Ooooo this Granny has recharged herself in anticipation of the Phuket trip huh!
OMGawd, granny rambling so much shit in here, and she's gotten the spamming H1Nfoongpc1 virus. lolz Isn't great to know that peeps take the trouble to come into my blog. Then again, others who complain of the difficulty of coming here should probably ask the more intelligent ones. :P
sorry im too dumb to understand the whole passage. but the last paragraph did catch my attention kekeeeee. i was once pondering on buddha's saying that he sees buddha pureland co-existed within this samsaric world.
am sure u r totally ok, though i do agree with twilight that ur blog feels different after that canadian flu :P take care and have a long wonderful weekend :)
Happy ~ stress from work audit, nothing to do with flu harharhar! I hope to be able to breathe easier in 2 weeks time. Sorry about my blog problem, it seems blogspot has a problem which they are trying to resolve; mine included. HOpe my blog gets update soon on all your blogs :)
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