Proper social conduct

I clearly remember my younger days when my parents tried to instill good and proper manners to their children. Time spent at home was pretty much in a disciplined way; albeit with daily timetables as to tasks to be performed. Thank tushita for their good sense to have also included a balanced life for us siblings with time for fun and games.

But the task did not rest solely on their shoulders too. Out of the home, the responsibility was also handed over to strict tuition teachers (yeah, my parents had the knack of choosing super authoritarians to educate their little brats). The same went for some other parents. Our parents' goal in tangling with the rude, hormonal, grossly inappropriate and defiant adolescents we were morphing into was singular : to teach us discipline, to teach us manners.

There was one tuition teacher who overdid the discipline thingy though. We had to dress well, smell good (or at least, not emit any foul BO), and come into the small room with positive attitudes. Being in dirty school uniform was not an option since the classes were held in the evenings. And sure, profanity was strictly a "Big-No-No!"

This brings me to my point today : people can be very inconsiderate to each other, more so these days. Kids today are armed with expensive gadgets and firelava mouths. The all too familiar excuse for young parents spoiling-rotten their children these days is because they want to make up for all those hours spent away at work.

Although rudeness is part of the rebellion that begins in some kids with the onset of the physical maturation process, this negative behavior at home, classroom, and playground needs to be eliminated, or society ends up with with adults who act these same ways in their homes, their offices, at their family gatherings and parties, and worse of all, in public places. We all know and are too familiar with these adults who wreck our productive office environments with their childish behavior, right? Or how about that particular family member that seeks like a guided-missile, to irritate or disrupt a family gathering.

These are behaviors that were allowed to continue throughout childhood and adolescence.

Granted, the internet only appeared in the later part my childhood (Gawd! I feel so old for saying this!), so we had to have good social skills to make friends, secure volunteer positions, land jobs etc. Social skills were very important. We simply just couldn't hide out in a cubicle.

Whenever I walk into the lobby of the building where my business is located, and I try my best to greet everyone regular who is on my path towards the lifts, although I do not always receive a returned greeting (drinking copious amounts of coffee helps to keep me alert in the mornings, especially Mondays). The situation is much better at the office though, all simply because I chose to strictly vet every prospective employee before hiring him/her. I always believed that a good character coupled with impeccable manners is just as important, if not more, than just relying on technical skills of employees for a company to succeed.

This is more so in the service-industry. I'm more inclined towards hiring people who possess intelligent, confident yet bubbly characters. How often have we been greeted coldly or even rudely by despondent-"I wanna kill you"-looking cashiers, receptionists and other service people? How are we to entice prospective customers with promises of good-after-sales-service when our marketing and customer service staff can't even handle a simple question in a polite manner? This is hard to believe!!!

Sadly, this is what is actually happening in this country.

I often wonder whether it is the role of our government to instill basic social courtesies via introduction of proactive education techniques in schools to inculcate good habits in children, or is it best left to educate the parents instead? Whatever it is, we seem to be losing the war on proper social conduct.

There are as many ways to practise courtesy as there are moments in a day. Every encounter is an opportunity to practise. Here are some thoughts on proper social behavior/etiquette that I try my best to practice:

• Rule #1: When someone says hello, I look at him/her (in the eyes, not the ceiling or cruising the cute gal/guy walking past) and return the greeting immediately, preferable with the sunniest of smiles. Shyness is a lame substitute to courtesy! ^_^
• Rule #2: "Courtesy begins at home" Oddly enough, we tend to treat strangers with more politeness than we do members of our own family.
• Rule #3: I try my best to be a good friend. Scattering the dark clouds of gloom and spreading sunshine via my whacky humorous side, constantly aware that a smile is a curved line that could straighten many stressful situations that I often find my friends to be in ( with some of them recently having the exam-stress bug).
• Rule #4: When someone compliments, I won't hesitate to thank him/her. Conversedly, if the person offered constructive criticism, I try to take-it all in with appreciation, or offer an apology if the situation required me to do so. Conversedly, to recognize the achievements of others, not with shallow flattery, but with warm and sincere praises.
• Rule #5: A quick apology, "sorry" will suffice almost all the time ; do the trick to diffuse any situation whereby the other party has been offended.

• Rule #6: When someone sends me an sms, I try my level best to reply (even if done later and is not a question) as an acknowledgement to convey appreciation. Even simple replies like "got it, thanks!" or "noted!" suffices *thinking of the gracious QueenB*. Similarly, I also try not to leave the other person waiting too long for an exchange when on msn chat. A simple "Please hold on, I've something to attend to" or even a shorter "Be-right-back (Brb)" shows good manners and concern for their feelings.
• Rule #7: Since how we dress reflects our personal philosophy, I think of how to dress myself with the realization that how we choose to present ourselves is indicative of more than we think. The absence of any foul body-odour (or at least masking with heavy spurts of fragrance) is encouraged!
• Rule #8: Always deliver what has been promised. Don't promise what you can't deliver. Empty promises are often remembered and will be used as a point of reference in any future engagements. Unavoidable delays should be relayed immediately in an empathetic-manner.
• Rule #9: Practice being kind in all situations. People can be really mean. I try to stay above their hostility. Speaking calmly and with a soft tone of voice often does the trick. I remembered a client of mine who instantly realised his harshness and apologized when instead of drowning his voice, I spoke with an even softer tone which did the trick to make him realize his foolishness. Treating others with respect is crucial too, if we want to earn respect from others. Downtrodden peeps eg. beggers, the homeless deserve the same level of respect as how we treat royalty and other VIPs.
• Rule #10: To be brutally frank, but with kind-words. Blindly showing support to a loved-one or even casual friends only aggravates the wrongdoing and never will right the wrong. I'm positive they will appreciate your frankness as a way for them to correct their negative action(s). However, I must try to hold back a bit too; coz not all peeps can take criticism with an open mind. Quoting St Basil, "He who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love."
• Rule #11: I endeavour to observe punctuality, always catering extra time for "The Greatest Malaysian Excuse" being "sorry, traffic jam!" . Please note that there is not such lame excuse as "fabulously or fashionably late" ( as recently highlighted by blogger Leu)

Of course, I'm still very far away from reaching the best practises, but I have always believed that mindfulness itself is a already a positive step forward. A brief reflection on the current situation in the world, and our country in particular, reveals the potential of evil to be a real threat and limitless in its destructive forces. It is thus, our responsibility , however small the effort may seem to be, to turn this evil tide with correct practises.

Instead of striving to be important, which is nice, lets us instead, strive to be nice, which I feel is more important. With these thoughts, I'll end with a note of gratitude to my parents for having instilled good manners in me as a way of approching life!

Have a wonderfully enriching week ahead! ^_^