It's Toxic!

When most people enter a friendship/relationship, all seem to appear well. Nothing seems to be toxic nor do we expect it to be one. During the honeymoon period, for the most part everyone plays nicely together, they even participate in each other’s events of life that they normally would have no interest or desire to be part of, however they do it for the other person in the name of camaraderie. During this time, there is a newness of discovery, romantic love is in the air (for new relationships), rose-coloured glasses are donned and we even tend to overlook or brush off what otherwise would be red flags that there could be problems with this becoming a long term loving, positive relationship. We tend to see and believe what we want to see and believe about the other person and our relationship. Some people even consciously act differently, wear a mask of sorts, knowing that once they have the other person hooked they will slowly reveal their true self.

Most toxic relationships start out great, everything on the surface seems great, however as time passes, like the brewing of poisonous leaves, the heat begins to be slowly change the taste and colour of the water from what appeared to be pleasing water into a toxic one where over time we consume and choke on the toxicity when consumed. Likewise in relationships, we start as the loving souls that we are, nourishing the relationship with great care; meanwhile unaware of the toxic events that are looming in the near distance. Yet, people, even when they realize that they are in a toxic relationship often stay in the relationship and hang on for years. Sounds familiar? Sounds illogical?

There are many reasons people stay in a toxic relationship is the general loving nature of many humans, always the forgiving one. After all, we are constantly bombarded with so many good teachings that remind us to be forgiving, to be compassionate. "To err is human, to forgive divine!"

Another big reason is the person who wants out of the toxic relationship may have to deal with the guilt of being termed the judgemental, emotional one, instead of realizing that in the end, a clear clean cut would be in the best interest of both parties, owing to the clash of characters, beliefs and thoughts.
If we are in what we believe to be a toxic relationship, I strongly feel we should take time out and become the observer, step outside ourselves and observe what is going on within the context of our relationship. As we observe, begin to ask ourselves some questions and provide with honest, heartfelt answers, questions such as:


- Knowing what I know, if I observed my friend in this type of relationship what would I advise that person to do?
- What responsibility do I take in the toxicity of this relationship?
- If I changed by perspective and relative behavior could I help to neutralize the toxicity and improve this relationship?
- Should I remove myself from this relationship?
- Is this relationship slowly killing all of my spirit of trust in friendships?
- Do I define who I am, or am I allowing the other person to define me?
- What are my options?
- What doors or windows are available to me?
- Who could I reach out to for help?


Know that we always have options, that no one is truly stuck. Even in the darkest of hours, there are always alternatives.

Taking the position of the observer should help us gain a clear perspective on the reality of our relationship.

For new relationships, there is a thin line between analyzing everything to death and being aware of obvious red flags. We must be aware of red flags, not only for our spiritual health, but also for the spiritual health of the person we are in the relationship with. Being aware of red flags does not mean we have to analyze the every aspect out of our relationship and fret over every detail, it simply means that we must be aware, keeping our eyes open and not getting totally lost in the emotions of a new relationship. Caring too much by either side just suffocates either or both parties.

By the way ~ I feel certain relationships ie renewed friendships with ex-lovers, people who are generally pessimistic with life and selfish narcissists are best tagged with blood red flags, for the risks of failure is just too great, far from being successful and mutually gratifying. We should remember that loving someone and still choose not to be with them is acceptable. I hear many people say, “I stay because I because I love him/her”. If the relationship is toxic and therefore unhealthy and we cannot find away to remove the toxicity from the relationship, know that we can still love a person and make a decision to not be with them; in the meantime, wishing them well. There are also some instances that we could not love anymore due to the intensity of whatever misfortune shared, thus we should feel relieved and have no remorse for the end of relationship. After all, the process of letting go ultimately leads to healing, right?

I wish you well.





"Walk on a trail of loving kindness
Walk on a path of compassion
And all else around you will be beautiful."
Every Blessing