Biatchy One-liners

Read this interesting compilation recently, thanks to a wonderful person (thank you so much) who has given me so much laughter. Hope to pass on the laughter with you wonderful peeps:

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humour.

Wear short sleeves - Support your right to bare arms!

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

They once said that a black man would be President when pigs could fly........ his first 100 days and Wham!!! Pigs flu!!

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping ..... men invade another country.

In a veterinarian's waiting room, “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

On a maternity room door, "Push, Push, Push."

In the front yard of a funeral home, "Drive carefully, we'll wait."

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

Eagles may soar, but pigs don't get sucked into jet engines.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

I love defenceless animals, especially in a good gravy.